HOUSTON WE HAVE LIFTOFF!
(Funny ad I wrote on Craig's List)
Thank you for flying "Board at Your Own Risk" Airlines. You are a member of our new "Mile High" Club. Here is what your platinum membership includes:
Your very own personal flight attendant
5'10, Tall Fit and Fabulous
In the event of an emergency she will make sure you make it to the emergency exits first, by removing all obstacles including other passengers in your path to safety
WARNING: In the event the cabin loses pressure airbags will deploy, however your flight attendant will give you mouth to mouth resuscitation.
In the event you need a Dr. She will play Dr. on top of you.
In the event we make a water landing, your flight attendant will become your cruise director and bring you a margarita on the Promina Deck.
No smoking is permitted anywhere in the aircraft. Heavy breathing and heat exhaustion are only permitted in the Lavatories.
Your captain and co-pilot flying today are The Captain and Tennille and are graduates of the "What does this button do?" academy. Please make sure your seat belt is securely fastened or your flight attendant can come and tie you up (OOPS) secure it for you. All tray tables and lap dances must be completed before take off.
Thank you for choosing "Board at Your Own Risk" Airlines. We know you will enjoy your flight attendant!