Monday, October 3, 2011

(Funny ad I wrote on Craig's List. I had a following of people who loved to read my ads)
The aliens are coming!!! No, that is not the same thingy as the "British are Coming" Martians do not speak with an accent, nor do they drive on the wrong side of the road. As I approached I could barely see through the thick 420 smoke filled spaceship. You could clearly tell they already stopped off in Santa Cruz before making their way to Capitola. As the smoke cleared I was approached by the captain of the spaceship. He looked like a cross between John McCain and George Bush however being the alien seemed to shave his legs, wore glasses, and was wearing a ribbon that said "Miss Alaska Beauty Queen" on it. I could only conclude that he was a Republican cross dresser from the planet "Econobankruptia" which is in the Galaxy of "Disaster with No Recovery." The Captain's name was "Maverick" As we began to speak he mentioned they were on their way to Alaska to pick up some more 420 from his girlfriend Sarah's daughter, and then headed off to Russia being her house is in very close proximity to Russia and only separated by a very small maritime border. I told "Maverick" I want to go with you, however here are the top 5 reasons the alien "Maverick" decided NOT to abduct me.
1. I was too passionate and would create a meltdown between all the other Martians
2. I don't smoke 420
3. I am a Democrat (might be re-thinking this one too. Might go Independent now) LOL!
4. I am 5'10, 44, divorced, and fit. Most aliens are short computer geeks that eat Sushi and Curry and live in "Silicon Going Down the Drain Valley"
5. I drive a Prius and not a spaceship
Here are the top reasons I gave them as to why they would see me as an asset to their crew
1. I am very athletic and can help catch those dodging the aircraft!
2. I am not Martha Stewart, but I do keep a clean ship!
3. I am not clingy like saran wrap and do not intrude on your O-Zone Layer
4. I make one hell of a mean Martians delight casserole! with extra green stuff on the side of course!
They told me not enough of the crew voted in my favor so I demanded a recount! They took off like a flash!

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